As I was leaving to attend
my first grief support group meeting that evening, I received the
doctor's test results. I stood in the doorway of my home, listening
on the phone as the physician spoke. It was cancer. I can't begin to
describe the feelings of lostness, pain and fear that I was
experiencing in those moments. It felt like the “other shoe” had
finally dropped. How was I going to cope with this emotionally,
mentally, physically, and at the same time, go through the
overwhelming grief due to the death of my son? The voice of fear
began to whisper to me, bringing to mind every imaginable scenario
involving impending doom and death from the diagnosis.
There is a stronghold of
fear in my life, and it has plagued me on many fronts for many years.
Fear is multifaceted. There's the fear of death, fear of lack in
our finances, fear for a loved one's safety, fear of the unknown, and
the list goes on and on... and those fears rise at various times to
try and consume us if they can.
I shared the cancer
diagnosis with one of my closest friends in a phone call as I walked
across the church parking lot that night to attend my meeting. In
the midst of our conversation, the movement of God's Spirit and His
voice came through suddenly, boldly, and with unmistakable clarity.
God said, “Whose report will you believe?” I was taken aback and
I wasn't sure if He was speaking about the diagnosis itself being in
error or that the cancer meant my imminent death. I replied and
asked God, “Which report do You mean Lord?” The Lord said, “The
report from the enemy of fear that this means your death OR My
report that it does not. WHO'S REPORT WILL YOU BELIEVE?” God's
presence permeated the atmosphere through His voice all around me,
and a reverential fear of God hit me like a ton of bricks in those
moments. I quickly replied, “I will believe the report of the
Lord....”
My friend began to share
about seeing an image that she believed was from the Lord in those
same moments. She spoke of seeing a bonfire, and Fear was throwing
it's fuel (lies) into the bonfire to cause it to flare up and grow
larger. It was trying to shift my focus mentally and emotionally to
try to consume me. The Lord was showing her the battle in my mind to
either believe Him and His word to me that I would live, or to
believe the spirit of fear that was trying to convince me that I
would soon die.
My thoughts drifted to the vision God
gave me the day my son died a year and a half earlier. I remembered
the 3 bonfires on a remote island's beach that the enemy (local
islanders or pirates historically) had lit to lure unsuspecting ships
seeking safe harbor as storms at sea approached. Hidden reefs
underwater in the harbor tore the ships apart instead. The result
was shipwreck and the ship's cargo floating ashore for the island's
natives or pirates to gather. I also saw a tall, red and white
striped lighthouse in the vision situated on a large, solid rock
outcropping of land. I knew it was the true light of guidance for
the ships that approached and could be trusted to guide them to a
safe harbor. The number of bonfires in the vision had baffled me for
some time and I had wondered often why there was three of them on the
island's shore instead of one.
As the words left my lips
that I would believe the report of the Lord, I was given the
understanding by God's Spirit as to why there were three bonfires, in
that vision of Oct. 2, 2016. The first bonfire represented the death
of my husband in 1988. His death was meant to shipwreck a deeper
commitment I had made in my life towards God, to cause me to question
God's goodness. The second bonfire represented the death of my son
Randall. This also was meant to shipwreck my faith and my trust in
God with regard to my son's salvation. I momentarily assumed the
third bonfire was representative of my death, but God's Spirit
corrected me. It was the fear of death that I needed to face
and overcome by trusting God as I
have never trusted Him before and the spirit of fear was trying to
stoke the flames of the third bonfire, adding fuel to it with his
lies of imminent physical destruction.
I was emotionally exhausted
when I went home that evening, and as I slept I literally heard a
song being sung to me in the middle of the night. “Whose voice is
that?” I thought...as I slept. The song was by Zack Williams
titled “Fear Is A Liar”, and the mysterious voice sang it over
and over again to me into the early morning hours. Why was this
“voice” emphasizing this to me as I had slept? I instinctively
knew God was trying to communicate something to me through it. I
watched and listened to the band's official you tube video on my
computer that morning as soon as I could. There was an urgency in my
spirit to do so. I was only interested in the lyrics, not the video I
told myself. What were the words in that song? It must be important
for me to know them better, I thought to myself.
The video showed several
life scenes that expressed the message of the song's lyrics. The
successive scenes depicted how a spirit of fear was trying to bring
destruction into people's lives with it's lies. As the words to the
song were displayed, there was the scene of a man who was attempting
suicide because of a job termination. Another scene was of a young
woman's emotional agony as she faced the bullying of her peers at
school and those peers encouraging her to take her life. But one
scene stood out from all the rest that played out before me, and my
world stopped as I watched it.....
A woman kissed her
fingertips then lovingly touched a photograph on the wall of her
home. The photo was of a dead son. Then, moments later,....in the
video's next scene, she picked up a pamphlet from her coffee table
with the title “Coping with Cancer”. Short scenes followed
showing the effects of the cancer treatments and it's toll on her.
There were the moments of crippling physical weakness from
chemotherapy, her hair falling out onto her comb in front of her
bathroom mirror, and in addition to it all, her grieving for a lost
son. There I was.... The devastating grief over the death of a son,
then a cancer diagnosis shortly after, and it was playing out in
front of me. I broke down as I watched, and sobbed openly. The
song's music and it's words surrounded me in those moments as I wept
and God's personal message for me was very clear....”Fear is a
liar, Marguerite,......”
The previous day a close
friend had offered to pray for me at her prayer group's weekly
meeting. That evening I shared with this friend about God's message
in a song in the middle of the night and the video that I had viewed
that morning. Her astonishment was evident as we spoke. She said,
“Marguerite, that's the song we played specifically for you as we
prayed for you the same night!”
In the midst of life's
storms, we must not be distracted by the light of the enemy's
bonfires of lies. Those lies will erode our faith and consume us.
They can shipwreck our faith in God. Jesus
Christ is our Lighthouse.
In the midst of our trials and suffering God will set us free
from our fears if we allow Him to do so. Through my son's death and
this cancer issue the stronghold of fear in my life is coming down,
brick by brick, and I am overcoming the the fear of dying, and many
other fears as well. When one has overcome fear, we are free to
live, laugh, and love. Then we become free also to share the love of
God because there's no fear of losing anything anymore, and we have
everything to gain....I have the promise of heaven and uninterrupted
time with the living God in my future, as well as with all of my
family who have gone before me. Whom or what do I have to fear? I
am blessed.
I listened to the song and
watched the video a second time the following morning. I didn't want
to ever forget God's special message for me, to trust Him and that
fear is a liar. When the video ended, I reached over to shut off the
music, and the next song on the random playlist began. It was
“You're Going to be Okay” by Jenn Johnson. What?? I'd never
heard this song before. Ok, I thought, as I chuckled to
myself.....that just HAD to be coincidence, right?? Five minutes
later I was pulling out of my driveway to go to work for the day. I
turned on the local christian radio station in my car and the first
song that began to play was.......you guessed it....”Fear Is A
Liar”. Whose report would YOU believe?
When he
told you you're not good enough
When he
told you you're not right
When he
told you you're not worthy
When he
told you you're not loved
When he
told you you're not beautiful
That
you'll never be enough
Fear, he
is a liar
He will
take your breath
Stop you
in your steps
Fear, he
is a liar
He will
rob your rest
Steal your
happiness
Cast your
fear in the fire
Cause
fear, he is a liar”
When he
told you you were troubled
You'll
forever be alone
When he
told you you should run away
You'll
never find a home
When he
told you you were dirty
And you
should be ashamed
When he
told you you could be the one
That grace
could never change
Fear, he
is a liar
He will
take your breath
Stop you
in your steps
Fear, he
is a liar
He will
rob your rest
Steal your
happiness
Cast your
fear in the fire
Cause
fear, he is a liar”
LET YOUR
FIRE FALL AND CAST OUR ALL MY FEARS
LET YOUR
FIRE FALL YOUR LOVE IS ALL I FEEL
Fear he is
a liar
He will
take your breath
Stop you
in your steps
Fear, he
is a liar
He will
rob your rest
Steal your
happiness
Cast your
fear in the fire
(Song
writer(s) Zach Williams, Jason Ingram, Jonathan Lindley Smith)
And
God throws down the mic....
