-The Light of
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GOD, and THE FAVORITE PHOTO
The week was finally catching up with
me emotionally and physically. The rush of arrangements that needed
to be made was coming to a close. Last minute details were being
straightened out. I was trying to get through just two more days.
The state of shock during a traumatic event is a strange bedfellow.
Shock is God's buffer for our emotional pain. The numbness is a norm
for a time. Memory becomes intermittent, both short term and long
term, or sometimes there is none at all. It returns slowly, but only
after a season.
My son's close friends were putting
together a photo and video presentation of my son's life that Friday
night. It would be displayed during the funeral service scheduled
for the following day. Family members speaking at the service, would
chose a favorite photo to be displayed on the same screen as they
shared loving words of remembrance. Here it was, the night before
the funeral and I only had a small handful of photos that I had been
able to bring. None of them stood out to me. I sat at the table
that evening with my sister Mary, and a close friend, with the shock
still impacting my memory.
Mary spoke to me and said, “What
about your favorite photo? You know, the one of Randall standing in
his crib?” I was stunned emotionally. I had forgotten completely
about this cherished photograph. It was the “favorite” one.
Every mother has this special picture that is held close to her heart
above all others among a life time of photos taken. This picture of
my son was taken in the early morning when he was a small child. I
walked into his room to pick him up out of his crib as his little
face was beaming with an angelic smile that greeted me, and his hair
was standing on end! There he was looking out over his crib with his
blue one piece pajama suit on. It was too late. It was the night
before the funeral and I certainly could not fly home to retrieve it in
time.
As Mary continued, she shared about God
speaking directly to her the night before. He brought to her
remembrance my “favorite photo”. The following day, unknown to
me, she asked a friend to go to my home in Oklahoma to find the photo
album that I had placed this picture in. It was then sent attached
to a cell phone text. There it was, on time, my favorite photo to
display when I spoke about my son that Saturday.
I was at a loss for words, impacted by
what God had done ahead of time for me. I was at my most vulnerable
point. In the midst of the grief I struggled to remember even the
little things. What kind of God is this that knows what your
favorite photo is? What God moves heaven and earth speaking directly
to someone to make sure you have what is needed most? What kind of
God-love is this that knows about and anticipates the choice of a
heart's desire, ahead of time, when you yourself don't know about the
future need? I will never forget this small, yet incredible move of
God on my behalf. Indeed, I hope I never stop being awed about this
facet of God's love. The following day, this photo silently spoke
volumes up on that screen. It was about a mother's love for a child
now gone, and God's loving fulfillment of an unknown, and
unanticipated need. I could also see that God became my memory when
mine had failed me.
